Easter Monday

I was planning to visit the library last Tuesday, April 7Th, Kevin's birthday, but somehow something came up, as it always seems to, something really not as important but seeming more immediate. All the everyday garbage chores, groceries, laundry, a trip to the post office; all the things I would rather not do, but end up spending more time on, than the really important things. There was something more important than those things on Tuesday, an emergency trip to the dentist for Brian, but I still felt bad that I let something get in the way or couldn't have fit in my trip to the library anyway. Does it make a difference? - That I am still looking for ways to honour him in some small insignificant way. Not that I see them as insignificant but I suppose they really are. As I've mentioned before, there are certain times , more than others, and certain frames of mind, more than others, like today, this time of year, where Kevin permeates my every thought. This holiday perhaps brings a little more comfort than they usually do. Holidays are difficult. Kevin's birthday is difficult as well.

This year Kevin's birthday fell between Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday. Kevin would have been 26 years old. Easter Sunday, the holiest day of the Christian religions. Jesus died for us and rose from the dead to show us the way to eternal life with God, his Father. This has given me tremendous comfort as I think of the loss of this young man, my son, as his birthday falls so close and seems so intertwined with Easter this year. For me that is, as I think of Kevin having eternal life in a beautiful place, free of pain, experiencing Joy. Whatever we are promised in the Gospel through Jesus The Christ.

There is not very much that I can say. The pain is still there. The memories, some fleeting , some intense. The sadness, the grief, the loss. Another birthday which brings everything to the fore and then the emotions will slip back out of the present, but not very far below the surface, until the next day of remembrance or holiday.

Today is Easter Monday. I'm not sure why they label it as such but they do. I should know but I don't. I will find out as I am still finding out so many things. Things to lift my spirit, to deepen my Faith, some done consciously, some unconsciously, as I fight to hold on to the Joy of life which is of God, and God's promise of the hereafter with my loved ones, and my loved one, Kevin. I am still trying to hold on to the Easter Spirit which has helped so much this year as I mourn Kevin. I mourn him still but with a little more comfort and calm this year, on Easter Monday, as I contemplate what it all means - an ongoing process, a process to achieve, hopefully, "the peace that passes all understanding"... And, of course, I wish that for everyone on this Easter Monday.