Things

When I had gotten here a week after Kevin had disappeared most of Kevin's things were gone from the apartment he shared with a couple of other guys. Most of his things were in his room. Some were in the living area, the kitchen, etc. I guess the plan was that one roommate was planning to move out. Perhaps Kevin was planning to stay and then find another roommate but, of course, we'll never know. Kevin's father did a majority of the packing and moving. There were only a couple of pieces of big furniture left by the time I arrived.

His room was there and his things just as he left it that Saturday evening before he went out with the guys. It was his room, lived in, his special part of the apartment. Right next to the bedroom was a sun porch where he kept two winged back chairs, a special table his father had given him and a bookcase or two with the books that he loved plus a collectible here and there- Marilyn Monroe, Superman, Lord of the Rings and even an angel that he liked. But most of the things were in his own room. I can still picture the room pretty much as it was as I had visited him often. Most of the time I had to wake him up since he kept late hours, so when we had something planned, I was his alarm clock for that day. All of his things were there only he didn't come home. All of the things he loved. His clothes, books, everything that most people have and use on a day to day basis plus the special items. Then the person is gone and all of the belongings are removed, packed away, given away. Just as Kevin is gone his room is gone too. I can still see Kevin in my minds eye and I can still see his room, too, just as it was. The building is still there. I walk by it almost everyday. I look up and remember (it was the third floor apartment)

Things define us. Where we live, the car we drive, the close we wear, the books we read. The things we put our interest in define us. I had talked to a young guy at a "new age" book store in Schenectady. He said he was an intuitive. He asked me all of these questions about Kevin, likes and dislikes, favorite movies, etc. and from all of the things I told him he intuited characteristics of Kevin's personality. It was really interesting. He didn't feel Kevin was a suicidal personality for what it's worth. I've often thought of this young guy and his approach. I've thought alot about Kevin's things, the things he loved and what that tells us about him. Yes, he loved Lord of the Rings so what does that say. He liked his possessions. I use to call him my little material boy... So when the things are gone what's left. When Kevin is gone, his material body that is, what's left. I'm still trying to come to terms with his beautiful, idealistic spirit and what it is and what it stands for and what all of Kevin's beloved things say about him...