Disparity

A week or so ago I was listening to Glenn Beck on the radio as I was driving in the car, running errands. He was talking about disparity in relation to politics and George Bush and Scooter Libby perhaps. Not that I can remember his whole commentary, because I can't and probably was in and out of the car a couple of times while the show was on. I put this radio station on in lieu of a music station which might play one or two songs that I like, if I'm lucky. I think I prefer Shaun Hannity but he's on at a later hour.

Glenn Beck was talking about the fact that even the president of the United States should go to prison if he commits a crime and is convicted of same. Right. So, disparity, the lack of equality is wrong. Sure it is, but that is not reality. It seemed like he, Glenn Beck, was talking about disparity as something that only happens amongst the powerful, in this case politically powerful people, or maybe that was just the focus of his show for that particular day. But I thought to myself, what's this guy talking about. There's disparity in all walks of life. Why doesn't he address that issue instead of something like the president should go to jail if he is convicted of a crime, which is never going to happen.

Disparity. Why did this word stick in my mind? Kevin, obviously. Once again, Pat Tillman's case was on the air, Friday night's national news. Four or five investigations done by the military, a congressional investigation and it still isn't finished, and Pat Tillman's family is still not happy. Now, I guess heads are going to roll, too. Does he deserve all of this?Does his family deserve answers? Yes, a life was lost. His life was lost and there were lies and cover-ups. Kevin did not give up a lucrative career with the NFL but Kevin's life was just as valuable and deserves the same thoroughness of investigation and scrutiny as given to the life and death of Pat Tillman, AND THAT HAS NOT HAPPENED.

Disparity. Kevin isn't the only one. There have been many cases, like Kevin's, where the person has not received equality of effort and time and investigation from the authorities. The media is really great for this sort of thing. Not that they're responsible for it, but their news coverage of certain people and events really plays up the disparity in our country. Who gets the kind of trial that O.J. Simpson got. Who gets the media coverage that certain women got and get who went missing? Did they deserve the coverage? Yes, but so do a thousand others who never get it.

So, how do I feel? Grief and sadness and frustration that's too deep for tears. I came to Des Moines to do a job, though, and so I will. I haven't done enough, and not fast enough, so perhaps that's why I'm depressed.

Three Years Later

A week and a half ago, or so, I once again stopped in at the Mayor's office to make an appointment regarding Kevin. The last app't was cancelled since the Mayor had to be out of town. The new appointment was made for the 18th of July. It failed to register, consciously, while I was there in the office that this was Kevin's anniversary date. Yes, I was feeling more sad and weepy and preoccupied the last few weeks and then realized, once again, that we were approaching that time of year. It then dawned on me that my appointment, inadvertently, was made for that very auspicious, heart-wrenching day. A day that I felt I had overcome, at least somewhat, but which proved once again that the sadness and grief and pain is still very much there.

Being preoccupied I got the time wrong and so scheduled another appointment for the same time, a job interview which I had to go to. Thinking that I didn't have to be at the Mayor's until 10:00, I felt I could go to my interview and still make it in time to see Mayor Cownie. I felt I had the time right but after accidentally pulling out the card that the mayor's assistant had given me , I realized that both appointments were for 9:30! It was ridiculous of me to think I could get in and out of the interview in 15 minutes and still make it to the Mayor's office at a reasonable time, but it then became so important for me to go on that very day, July 18th, that I was being totally unrealistic. I called that morning to say that I would be late but, obviously, I was so late that I didn't get to see Mayor Cownie - understandably so. He had many other people waiting to see him and I wasn't even "fashionably" late. I was absurdly late and was so embarrassed but at least I showed and offered an explanation.

Lorna, the Mayor's assistant was understanding and and gave me another time slot down the road, August 1st, I think. More than that, though, she gave me a hug, one mother to another, and the acknowledgement of Kevin which I needed so much on that day. I made it to the mayor's office that day.That was the most important thing. I don't know why but it was important and it helped. - Even though I showed up 50 minutes late. Actually I think it was 55 minutes late.

So three years have gone by since the last day anyone saw Kevin. I don't know why I went to the Mayor's office a week or so ago.During our next appointment I will just tell him that the police have never gotten back to me as they said they would. Nothing new and"par for the course" since I returned to Des Monies. I don't know what the Mayor can do. He brought the police to his office to try to mediate the problem but to no avail. I guess I will ask him for suggestions; is there anything else I can do, but that's about it. Yes, and there is a new police chief now, Major Judy Bradshaw. I will make an appointment to see her... I guess the bottom line is that I'm not happy with my progress. I've been here in Des Moines for almost two years now and have made very little progress. I'm planning on that changing and so hopefully it will.

As for July 18th, it's over now. I did go to Jimmy John's right after the Mayor's office yesterday and I did see the young man who reminds me so much of Kevin. His name is Brandon and, as I said before, we lovingly call him the Kevin clone. I was able to talk to him briefly as I was paying for my delicious number 15 tuna club. As it turns out, Brandon is in a band and sings, one of the two vocalists in the band. Kevin loved music and played the guitar. I'm sure he fantasized about being in a band but my conversation with Brandon made me wonder if Kevin would ever have gone in that direction. Anyway, my brief visit at Jimmy John's talking to this young man who is almost the same age as Kevin, a year older, if I remember correctly, was so comforting as was my few words and hug exchanged with Lorna. It helped so much. I don't know why, but it did. Why watching this young man who reminds me so much of Kevin, but isn't, I know, helps and brings comfort, I don't know, but it does, tremendously so!