Grieving

While I was at lunch with Patsy, the woman who attended the search for Kevin over a year ago, she told me that her best friend had just lost a son on, I think it was Nov. 15th of this year. A doctor and I'm sure a pretty young man. Not as young as Kevin but nevertheless someone who should not have died from a massive heartattack. Another life that was cut short and another set of parents, another family that has had to bury one of their own. Another set of parents who has had to bury their child. There was even a scene in the Lord of the Rings film where King Theodan had to bury his son. He says "no parent should have to bury their child" and yet we have to. It seems that this grief is all to common.

She mentioned that she didn't know whether to call her friend being sensitive and not wanting to be intrusive. I didn't adequately express how I felt so I just said , "call her". Each person handles things differently. People don't know what to say or not say. They don't want to upset the person and so as a result alot of people are left alone with their grief. I can not believe that anyone on the face of this earth wants to be left alone with his or her grief. I've learned to stay by myself when I'm down. Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone. I believe that. Grief is something different though. I always try to say thank you for asking, thank you for remembering Kevin so they know I appreciated them bringing it up, but those times are too few and for the majority of the time I am alone with my grief.

A young woman at work, a fellow driver, said to me the other day "oh you always are so happy!". I almost fell on the floor! Yes, I do love the people at work and it has been a tremendous comfort to be at work and kid with people and get my mind off of my grief. I'ts a relief to be busy and around people. A girlfriend told me she had run into a mutual friend who had run into me. She said that I seemed fine. I wasn't. I was just so happy to see a friend and talk to someone. For a brief moment I forgot about myself and my pain and it felt wonderful. I smile and talk and then on the way out to the car my mood changes. This morning I wasn't even out of the parking lot and I started to cry. I had now entered my other world where I would stay for hours unless perhaps a brief unexpected encounter might interupt it for a very few minutes.
Or maybe a phone call or I might force myself to visit someone. But no. I can not believe that anyone wants to be alone with their loss and grief...