Service of Remembrance

Monday, December 5th, Dunn's Funeral Home hosted their annual service to remember those who died this past year. As I went in I was given an ornament with Kevin's name on it to place on a tree in the front of the church for the duration of the service. At the end of the service we were able to take our special ornament home with us. The church was filled and yet perhaps more than half the people did not come. I looked over the names in the program they had given us. Amazing. Hundreds of names and those from only two funeral homes in the area.

Each day Kevin dominates my thoughts, as perhaps I've said before, and yet I go about my daily meaningless life. Kevin's memory makes it more than just meaningless although I feel frustrated and despairing at times wondering what or how much I can do on his behalf. I won't give up although at times it seems that I don't know what I'm doing or should be doing. Whatever comes to mind I will do. It almost seems that I'm living in two worlds. My daily ridiculous existence and my inner life filled with thoughts and memories of Kevin and plans no matter how futile they may be to honor my child.

At the Service of Remembrance Monday night for an hour I didn't feel all alone with my grief. All these people go about their daily lives also as I have been doing. Perhaps I passed them in the supermarket not knowing that they were going through the same thing as me and they not knowing that I was experienceing a tragedy in my life as they were, but that night so many of us were gathered to remember our lost loved one and it was powerful and comforting. We were all there for the same reason. We were all grieving...