Frustration

What can anyone say this time of year. I don't know what to say other than I wish the whole Holiday season was over. Sad isn't it? All the beautiful lights which do bring joy. All the beautiful things in the stores. It is the season for me where I try to build my hope and faith. Last Christmas I still had hope that Kevin was still alive. This Christmas I'm trying to build my hope and faith that Kevin is still alive but in a different way. I do believe that but it seems so hard at times to maintain what I believe to be true on an emotional level. Each day seems to be a struggle to maintain what I believe in because it's on an intellectual level. I know without a doubt that there is so much more but yet day to day, espcially at this time of year, I can't maintain that knowledge in a positive way.We're so filled with expectations of the joyous holiday and anything short of that fills people with sadness, depression and feelings of aloneness.

So a couple of weeks to go. The frustration mounts because it's taking all my energy to keep my head above water, to do the minimal things required of people at this time of year. I'll still make my Christmas cookies and shop for the kids. That does help. I just don't have the energy to call the police department and get the same response. I will go elsewhere too but it will have to wait as well. Not that it will make a difference but I will try. No, it will make a difference. I'll see to it. Faith, Belief, Hope and courage. I'll work on all those things. I'll get through this Holiday season stronger and then pursue my special purpose; the honor of my son.