Perfectionism

As I was standing at the library entrance a few minutes ago I remembered the plight of the 12 or 13 miners in Pennsylvania, only one of them surviving at this point. The families want to know how their loved ones died. They want to know how and why and so the authorities are investigating into the accident which killed these men. The families want to know what caused the accident, where they were, why they didn't survive as they initially thought they had, the conditions, etc., etc... The family of a man who disappeared from a cruise ship, a story which has become more prominent this last week or so, wants answers to. All along I've been made to feel like something was wrong with me because I want to know what happened to my son, Kevin. Kevin's remains were found in the river. That's all I know and that's suppose to be good enough? The miners were killed in a mining accident. They know more about the death of their loved one than I do about Kevin's death. But that's not good enough for them as it shouldn't be.They want answers, all of them, and so do I. That is normal. Their husband or father or brother or uncle or son is gone and they want to know why. My son is gone and I want to know why too.

The other day at work I received an award for a supposed "perfect audit" while performing my bus duties. They handed out the certificates and star key chains at the safety meeting the end of December. I was very taken-aback because I didn't expect it. I wouldn't get up and stand in front of the room to be recognized. Anyway one does not tell a Virgo that she did anything "perfect", at least not this Virgo! No one does anything perfectly because perfection doesn't exist. In this case it was a fluke that I supposedly did everything right. I'm still feeling uncertain about so many things that I certainly did not deserve to be called perfect at any aspect of my job. I've never received any award in my life and I don't intend to start now. With my weird sense of everything I was really upset about the whole thing.

What does this have to do with Kevin? I don't consider wanting to know all of the answers perfectionism. That , I think is just human nature. As far as the supposed thorough investigation regarding Kevin's disappearance and death, I don't buy it for a minute. A fact of human nature is that people vary in their thoroughness and perfectionism. One can't put blame on those who aren't, I guess. But thorough or not the police should be required to do a thorough investigation, especially when it involves a human life. Virgo or not, perfectionistic or not, I can't accept what the police did as a thorough inestigation. I want all the answers just like the people I mentioned above and the police are indirectly telling me that I should be happy with the very little I information that I did receive...