June

I actually looked up the word reflecting this morning. After one gets beyond the definition of reflecting as a mirror reflects, to turn back as light, an image, etc., it says to think, ponder, to meditate. So, I guess that's what I'm doing. Actually, too much thinking, pondering, but not enough meditation (which takes practice and can be very beneficial and relaxing. I don't know whether you could say the same about thinking and pondering.)June seems to be that time of year when I'm more apt to reflect. June and Nov.- Dec. Something I realized a long time ago. I realized that to get away at those two times of the year was very beneficial to my wellbeing. Not that I was able to do that most of the time but I certainly realized the need and so compensated in different ways.

A year ago we had finished with Kevin's memorial service. And then came the end of May into June, a time already fraught with reflection, memories. A time when so many things resurface to be dealt with once again; to reflect, to turn back, to redo, to rethink. It was a time when I reviewed the previous year or 10 months concerning Kevin. It was a very difficult time as I knew it would be. The ceremonies and rituals were over. Life goes on. Blasphemously, at times.

A year has gone by since then but it is the same time of year and a time for more reflection. My peacefulness surrounding Memorial Day is gone. I looked into the faces of the soldiers shown on TV and read their names, as the media seems to be making more of an attempt to personalize the loss of young lives to the Iraq war, as they have done all along, right from the beginning. Silly to think that it makes any difference one way or another. I read the names but probably won't remember them as much as I would like to. I do remember the name of Matt Maupin who still hasn't been accounted for. We all try to do the same things with our loss. These young lives should be known, as if one could really know someone by looking at their picture. But it is more personal- the media's approach concerning Iraq. Each one has a story. And, of course, I would like Kevin's story to be known and more so than it is right now.

I was driving on a new section of Mlk here in Des Moines. Perhaps I missed the name before although I do think it is new. They dedicated a portion of one of the roads to some man. I don't know who the guy is. There are dedications and memorials all over the place. Does that mean a certain amount of immortality? Blank Park Zoo and the Imax theater is a result of Mr. Blank. They showed a brief video concerning his life. Now I know the name and that he was responsible for the zoo and theater as do all the other people who go to the Imax. Does that make Mr. Blank more immortal than others? Others like Kevin? Would it make a difference if Kevin had a street named after him? I don't know, but I guess back to what really bothers me, the fact that this young man wasn't given a thorough investigation. His demise was overlooked, blown off, as being not important. So, immortality by having a street named after him? That wouldn't help, but having reverence for his young life would help. Most of our lives will fade into obscurity sooner or later as will Kevin's. Most of us will never achieve the notoriety of a Mr. Blank or other famous people.

So, June is that time of year for me. A time to reflect more deeply about things. The word came up again this weekend as I opened a newly purchased book, Black Elk Speaks. It was a title I had written down four to five years ago but had forgotten about. There it was Sunday at the Metaphysical Fair so I picked it up! I opened it. There was the word "reflection". Reflection is painful at times but I think I'm on the right track - in June.