Iowa

I was driving north towards Ankeny the other day as I've done every work morning since June 5th and all-of-a-sudden I started thinking about my first trip to Iowa in April of 2001. I've spoken about it before but that morning the memory came back to me as if I was passing the mix-master, bearing left onto 235 off of I80 for the first time. It was about the same time in the morning although alot cooler that time of year. I had driven all night. Had tried to stop and sleep in Davenport but couldn't and so continued on to Des Moines to wake up Kevin that morning. It was something, though, how I seemed to traverse time at least for a few minutes anyway and felt like I was back over 5 years ago. But isn't that what happens when we "remember"? At times it's just an intellectual recalling where as other times, as I think I've said also, it is an actual feeling that I'm right then and there as happened while I was driving the bus to Ankeny to start my commuter run. I remember that I thought that the sky in Iowa was a different color my first morning in Iowa. I don't know whether I ever shared that with Kevin. Kevin loved Des Moines as I've said, too. I spoke last week about my going back to New York dinner. He gave me a card that early evening, an early birthday card. I still have the card. Part of it said the usual, you know, Happy Birthday, etc., and a safe trip, etc. back to Schenectady and Schenectady still sucks! I hear that I wouldn't recognize downtown Schenectady, now, and hopefully I won't when I go back for a visit in the Fall. They need alot of improvements and maybe they are starting. Well, even when I went back 3 years ago things had changed.

But Iowa. I still think it's very beautiful and reminds me of Long Island, New York, the low rolling hills, where I grew up, Downstate. Then I moved Upstate! I use to tell my fellow coworker about my walking route and how neat it was. New York State has the Adirondack Mts. and Iowa just hilliness but I have a much better walking route here, up and down, up and down, in Des Moines, than I did there. Out by the I80 interchange it's flatter, though, and reminded me of that early morning drive in late April to visit Kevin. After I got on 235 I had to continue on to Keo Way. I remember my conversation with Kevin as he was giving me directions and explaining how Keo Way was short for Keosequoia Way as he told me. I did get off at the right exit but then had to get directions to 15th street. Or, I think I got off going North instead of South. Anyway, I did make it and still arrived at Kevin's before 7:30 a.m. I'm probably repeating myself but that's okay. Kevin got such a big kick out of the fact that I drove 24 plus hours, straight, but was paranoid about getting to bed at 7:00 p.m. each night! He told that to someone and I can still hear him and the laughter in his voice as he was telling it.

Iowa, Des Moines inparticular, since this is where I live and have lived is beautiful. Once again, though, I question the quality of life here. What quality of life really means. Not that I've stopped questioning because I haven't. Then I start remembering as I did the other day when I first came out here and Kevin was waiting for me. I was filled with the beauty of this new state, Des Moines, the Sherman Hill area which I love, and excited about seeing Kevin. I was reliving all of that but then returned to reality and a dichotomy, which I feel right now, between a beautiful city and the ugliness of a young life taken, and nothing much done about it. Beauty and depravity. The almost total disregard for the death of a young man here in Des Moines. Depraved indifference and then C.Y.A. in my opinion. Not enough resources, budget cuts as I was told. That is gross and ugly and turns my stomach.

All of Iowa apparently isn't like this though. Lately there has been alot in the news about Evelyn Miller from Floyd who disappeared a year ago and was found dead 6 days later. They couldn't save her life but they searched and found her right away. Hundreds searched, sherrifs, deputys, and they're questioning what they could have done differently and trying to make improvements. Why not here? Why?