July 18th

Two years ago Kevin disappeared and we still have no answers as I've stated all along. I called Kevin on the 18th, 2004, late in the afternoon as I was in the habit of doing. He worked Sundays at 6:00 p.m. and so around 4:30 in the afternoon I could usually catch him. I wasn't afraid that I was waking him up since he had to be up and getting ready to go to Flanagan's. That afternoon, when I called, his roommate said Kevin wasn't there but he didn't know where he was. I guess I thought that was a little strange but then plans or work times could have changed so I wasn't worried. It wasn't until the 20th that his father called me to tell me Kevin was missing. That was a Tuesday evening. But I don't want to rehash that night, that phone call. I've even thought back to that Sunday and wondered if somewhere deep inside I knew something was wrong. I know I wasn't in a good mood but it could have been any number of things. I visited my girlfriend and then when I got home called rather routinely that afternoon, as I said.

But I'm so happy I made it to the library this morning and there are more pictures of Kevin posted. They've probably been there for awhile. I'm not that swift on the computer but getting a little better. I do go to the home page but didn't look down far enough to see the "link" to more pictures of Kevin! I guess I thought they would be directly below the ones already there and so didn't think to look any farther.

I guess I sort of feel a sense of relief. This is the last anniversary date for me in sort of a cycle. Last July 18th through all the holidays, Kevin's birthday, the anniversary of his memorial service, and now one year later. Last year at this time I was packing and getting ready to return to Des Moines. I wanted to be here on the 18th of July but was really afraid to and so waited until the end of the month to leave and make my trip half way across the country. It has been a really crummy couple of months lately but I'm hoping things will get better now. I'm moving again. This time only down the street but moving in itself is stressful - for me anyway. So it's really hard to sort out feelings.

I drove to Ankeny this morning as usual. We're having a brief respite from the heatwave blanketing much of the Nation. At least for today, anyway, and then back to more heat tomorrow. But it was a beautiful, clear morning. A beautiful sunrise. And that gave me hope and a little bit of peacefulness. That whatever could create that kind of beauty and order was taking care of Kevin on this July 18th, 2006.

I would like to say so much more. There is so much more to be said but I'm just thankful I made it here and that I have a little bit of peace in my heart today after weeks and weeks of anguish. This to shall pass... The pain, not the memory and love.