Diary of a Mother's Mission

My son, Kevin Martin, disappered under mysterious circumstances in the wee hours of July 18, 2004. His partial remains were found on February 1, 2005 in the river. The Des Moines Police have not been helpful and this is my blog to tell what I have done as it's done.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Little Hou on the Central Plains

No, that isn"t a typo. Well I guess you don't call a mistake a "typo" anymore since I'm not really typing. So what am I doing? Key boarding? So does one say that they made a key boardo? For quite some time now I've made numerous jokes about my apartments. Most of the time they have been small boardering on efficiency or semi-efficiency size. My one apartment had a kitch, too small to be considered a kitchen. And then actually that same apartment had a combination livingroom- bathroom as I called it. That's the way it seemed to me.(like a porto-potty sitting in the middle of Time Square - no sense of privacy) Loads of experience (I have) living in rental properties that have been converted from a single family dwelling into a multi- apartment unit. So you can imagine... Des Moines has bunches of tiny little houses. I'm sure there were more than just two in Upstate New York but that's all I remember. I passed one on a regular basis and always kidded with my bus monitor that, "look, there's a house for me!" Well, I did find a tiny little house out here. No money down and since it was a fixerupper they give you forgiveable loan money to do the rehab work. They even pay ones closing cost! You have to occupy the house and live there for five years. Loans are forgiven! Actually I bought a garage with a detatched house. A two car garage that's probably bigger than the one bedroom (which can't really be considered a bedroom in Iowa since there isn't any closet) house. I can sit to one side in the living room and look North, South, East, and West without getting out of the chair.

So what does THIS have to do with Kevin? When you lose a loved one I guess ones whole frame of referrence changes. Kevin's loss has changed the way I define everything. It seems that my whole life has been qualified in terms of Kevin. Kevin's loss. Perhaps all of this is temporary or at least parts of it, the negative aspects, anyway. At times I start to get a little excited about the house but then I realize that Kevin will never get to share this new experience with me as Brian has. It doesn't somehow seem as important, as it was really more of a practical consideration. But, yes, I would have liked Kevin to be proud of me in the purchase of my new little hou. Half a house, but a fantastic garage which I could care less about. I couldn't get anything on Sherman Hill. Not much left in the way of fixeruppers left there. But this is close. Probably a half a mile and so Kevin would have had another place to hang out, to walk to, to crash, if he felt like getting away. It's pretty quiet for being so close to downtown. I'm sure he would have given me his opinion, his artistic opinion, on interior decorating, which I would have greatly appreciated. Actually , I can't remember why but we talked about lights and sconces and I mentioned how I really liked sconces. We were in a store for something or some reason. Just another little memory, or part of one, very vague and hazy, which has started to surface, as they do periodically.

So this past weekend I had to move in the "heatwave". Unbelievable. Kevin was lucky he wasn't here as 3 times before he had the moving detail. That was the downside, he missed that, lucky for him. The real downside for me is that he isn't here to enjoy my little hou on the Central Plains as he should be and as I wish more than anything in the world he would be, but isn't...

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