Diary of a Mother's Mission

My son, Kevin Martin, disappered under mysterious circumstances in the wee hours of July 18, 2004. His partial remains were found on February 1, 2005 in the river. The Des Moines Police have not been helpful and this is my blog to tell what I have done as it's done.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Journey (Con't)

Last night I was still thinking about my trip, my journey. In a way I'm still on it. I'm still in New York. I'm still in Allentown, Pa., I'm still driving on the interstate although, bodily, I am back here in Des Moines. I don't know whether I adequately got across my feelings on this and so I kept thinking about it. It had become, many years ago a sort of meditative thing. Even if one reads a good book and gets so absorbed in what he is reading so as to completely forget where he is - that is meditation too. So driving has become so much more and peaceful and meditative and relaxing as it was these past couple of weeks as life through me another pass or curve ball. I wish I could think of something more apropo, less trite, since Terry loved the Steelers and the Yankees and so a reference to sports is something he would appreciate.

This time I did take a different route since I stopped in Allentown, Pennsylvania before heading West. It was neat as I had not been in that area for many, many years. I even traveled the Pennsylvania Tnpke for a short distance and went through the Lehigh valley tunnel. I reminised about my family's many trips through Pa. and another portion of the Pa. Tnpke as we went to visit my grandfather and uncle, mid-state and slightly West, around Clearfield. I always looked forward to the tunnels, the Kittatiny, something like Tuscarora, and others. We went through a bunch of them. This time I didn't care for it and so sped faster to get through it quicker! The scenery was beautiful, alot of color change, although I did miss out on the peek leaf changing season in New York as well as Pennsylvania.

Leaving from Pa. I was way ahead of schedule and so even made it all the way into Indiana before pulling over to sleep. I had gotten so accustomed to the rest stops in Ohio, and it seemed to be midway, that I always stopped there to rest. The Indiana rest stops aren't as conducive to sleeping in the car but this time it was okay. There aren't as many travelers on the road at this time of year and so I pulled to the end of the parking area for a little more privacy and distance from the main entrance. I was on the road again by 1:00 a.m. so as to make it through the Chicago area before rush hour traffic, the real worry of my whole trip. I made it through at 3:00 a.m. in the morning, the perfect time, I think, and was so early I even pulled over a second time somewhere in Illinois at a gas station. I got the biggest kick at 4:00 a.m. The station-mart had, over in the corner and, obviously, closed off at this time of day, a Jimmy-John's gourmet sandwich shop! Kevin and his friends and Brian, too, loved Jimmy-John's. I did and still do as Brian and I went there a couple of times.

Iowa looked different this time. It seemed that most of the time when I crossed the Mississippi, that final leg of my journey, it was sunny and very warm, a couple of times very hot as the sun was lowering in the sky and so comming in my driver's side window. Wednesday morning it was overcast as it was the night before. Normally the clouds make me more gloomy but, at least, this time, it was much easier to drive as I was driving West into the setting sun. The grasses were very green as most of Iowa has gotten more rain this year. The corn husks were still standing and so you saw all the patches of brown or tan interspersed amongst the green. The skies were those of a Winter sky which technically isn't due to arrive for a couple of months yet. I went from Summer in Allentown to Winter here in Des Moines in 24 hours!

I have become so familiar with this travel route that it brings me comfort as I go by certain places, landmarks, the rest areas where I'ved stopped so many times. I wonder about all the people along the way. What it's like to live in Ohio or Indiana, although I really think people are the same everywhere. And then I think and contemplate life and death issues because death has brought me over these highways more than anything else, but these highways have also provided me with consolation and comfort as well - as strange as that may seem.

I use to tell people that I wished I could run my life as I drive a car. I always thought I was a good driver (I even fantisized about being the next Cha Cha Muldowney, race car driver from Schenectady) but at least I always drove with confidence. Now it seems that all I do is drive! I drive for a living, I drive for fun and relaxation, and yes, it seems that driving brings me peace and serenity, too, on my life's journey of which this most recent trip was a small but significant chapter.


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