Diary of a Mother's Mission

My son, Kevin Martin, disappered under mysterious circumstances in the wee hours of July 18, 2004. His partial remains were found on February 1, 2005 in the river. The Des Moines Police have not been helpful and this is my blog to tell what I have done as it's done.

Friday, October 13, 2006

The Journey Home

Another journey home it seems. I just returned from a very unexpected trip to New York. I had put in for vacation time at the end of October, beginning of November, a time when I thought the gas prices would reach their lowest (you know, right before the elections)point and so favorable for my drive back to Upstate New York to visit my roots and friends.

I had two messages waiting for me when I arrived home from work on Friday evening, September 29th. I returned one of the calls only to learn that my son, Terry, had died that day, that very morning. I immediately started to plan for my return to New York, the only option I had, and as soon as possible. Things are more complicated now, it seems, since I have to leave a house, not an apartment. A little tiny house but none-the-less a house and so I took the necessary steps to make things more safe while I was gone as I guess that's what one is suppose to do.

This is another journey. A part of an even larger journey. I kind of like the idea of thinking of life as being a road trip to various destinations and ultimately back to the One source. And some say that it is the process and the journey inbetween, not the final destination, which is the most important; that being life and how we live it. We all die and return to God in the end but it is our experience and how we live life from day to day that matters. Joseph Campbell, sociologist,anthropologist says that life is a tragedy and that our purpose here is to "experience" life.

This journey home was special as my many journeys back and forth between New York and Des Moines have been. Seven times I drove back and forth because of Kevin's disappearance. This time I reversed the order and returned to New York from Des Moines to honor Terry, this time, to say goodbye to him. But my drives back and forth have always been more, meant more, as I traveled along Interstate 80 predominantly, then 90, and usually the Southern Tier of New York. On occasion I would try a different route but most of the time by roate and on automatic pilot I followed the same route.

Many years ago my journey was shorter from Upstate to Long Island. Terry was always with me on those trips, back and forth almost every weekend for awhile there, and on occasion twice in a week. That is when these trips became something more as I seemed to work out my life and hopes and sorrows in the wee hours of the morning as I returned to Schenectady once again and time and time again. I've always gone somewhere. To Rutland Vermont, to Utica, Kingston, points inbetween and it always helped as my trips back and forth between New York and Des Moines have always helped and taken on major significance. I always used to tell people that I was at peace with the world when I was on the road going somewhere, anywhere, and preferably in the opposite direction from where I lived at the time.

It was hard to return to Des Moines this time. Is this my home? When I visited Des Moines regarding Kevin, I didn't want to leave because this was his home and I felt closer to him here. Terry lived in Schenectady most of his life. There would have been more of a connectedness if I had stayed there but that was not possible. I had to return to my life, my house, my job here in Des Moines.

So, I made another journey home. A small journey as part of a much larger journey. I'm not the same person as I was when I left. Each time I've grown and grieved and sought answers. The answers have come. Perhaps not right away but they have come on these trips. Even now I wish I could just take off and drive again...


Post a Comment

<< Home